


Composed of Now

by mint_chi9



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, But Steve slaps a little ice on it and walks it off, Canon Temporary Character Death, M/M, Post-Iron Man 2, Pre-Avengers (2012), Time Travel, peggy is the queen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-03
Updated: 2016-07-02
Packaged: 2018-07-18 03:18:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7297348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mint_chi9/pseuds/mint_chi9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>S.H.E.I.L.D's mistake was to assume that Howard Stark turned over all of his research on the Tesseract. Tony's mistake was not reading the instruction manual before poking the shiny, blue rock.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Marvel fandom! Let me inflict my monstrosity on you!! I played around with style in this one, something that I am probably not skilled enough yet to do effectively. Hopefully, its still legible.

There were many dangers to being Tony Stark. They included being kidnapped for his brilliance, being betrayed by father figures, dependency on high tech pace makers, and the possibility of liver failure due to alcohol poisoning.

None of those dangers were more lethal to Tony Stark than his own curiosity.

Case in point, when digging through a crate of his father’s SHEILD gave him, Tony found a sealed lead box. Inside said box was a glowing blue stone.

Well, he just wouldn’t be Tony Stark if he didn’t experiment a bit.

*

The story starts like this.

Her name is Ida Thomason and she runs an antique shop that is actually a secret government lab. Her reaction to the blinding blue light and oddly dressed man appearing out of thin air onto her shop floor is the sensible one.

Tony regains his senses to the muzzle of a gun leveled between his eyes.

Despite their introduction Ms. Thomason proves to be an important ally.

“Oh, you run into all types of odd things in this job dear,” she told him later over the bitter taste of rationed coffee. “Just last month, we had three rats escape from downstairs. They chewed right through their cages and broke at least two walls! Nasty little beasties, let me tell you.”

Ms. Thomason introduces him to Dr. Erskine who listens to his story with a frown.

“Best we keep this between us for now, yes? I have a friend who teaches Physics in Boston. He will help you, without the problems these military likes will give you. When I am done here, I will be free to take you to him.”

“Free?” Tony asks, alarmed and concerned for this stranger that reminds him of Yinsen.

Dr. Erskine gives him a dry smile.

“I am an important man working on an important project who has admitted to helping the Nazis create a super weapon. I have eyes following me everywhere. But as soon as we can, I promise you, I will find you the help you need.”

“The Nazis?” Tony asks, startled. Just when is he?

“Welcome to America, Mr. Stark, 1942.”

Tony’s fingers start a nervous tap against the arc reactor in his chest.

*

“But… wet science.”

“You are a smart man, surely you can fake enough knowledge in biology to pretend to be my lab assistant.”

“No offense doc, but biology was my least favorite science in school.”

“You have a different cover story in mind?”

“How about I’m Howard Stark’s long lost half brother coming out of the wood work to share in the family fame and fortune?”

“You do not do subtle very well do you Mr. Stark?”

*

Tony and Dr. Erskine are taken from the Brooklyn antique store to New Jersey two days later. With both Erskine’s and Ms. Thomason’s voices to vouch for him, Tony manages to slip past Colonel Philip’s suspicious stink eye.

The first night on the military base, Philips hands them a stack of files and leaves them to get settled into one room with two beds.

Tony tinkers with the doctor’s broken watch as the man shuffles through the files, mumbling in German and growing agitated.

“No, this will not do,” the doctor growls, slapping the last of the files closed.

Tony looks up from the watch and reads the cover of the top file.

“Project Rebirth?” he asks, startled. Dropping the watch, he scoops up the file.

“Ah, yes, did I not say?” the doctor asks. No he had not talked about his project, there hadn’t been time.

“We are creating the next generation of soldier. Actually, your father, he is involved on the project.”

Tony’s face must give something away.

“Ahh, you know! You know what is going to happen! Quick, do any of these men look- no! No, what am I thinking. Don’t tell me anything, we can’t risk changing it all,” Doctor Erskine amends hastily collecting the files, clutching them protectively.

Later that night, after the doc is asleep and plans have been made to find his own recruit, Tony sneaks a look at the files Philips left. None of these faces remind him of his childhood idol.

*

The doctor leaves the base for two weeks and comes back with a blond man so skinny, a gentle summer breeze could snap him in half. His name is Steve Rogers.

Tony knows him as Captain America.

*

It does not take long for Tony’s number one flaw to reassert itself. Curiosity had always been his weakness.

Besides, Captain America was the best thing that his father had ever had a hand in creating according to a couple drunken rants. Tony wanted (needed) to meet the man who left such a large shadow on his childhood.

It isn’t hard to get the man alone. He’s practically an island in the mess hall, a lone figure in the middle of a dozen empty chairs.

“Seat taken?” Tony asks, moving to sit across the table from the solider in training. Rogers startles out of his study of the questionable food items on his plate. He raises an eyebrow at the empty seats around him.

“Careful, sitting here might catch you a plague,” Rogers answers.

“I’m a scientist, I laugh in the face of plagues,” Tony replies. He sets his tray down and glances at Rogers’ plate. “Something wrong with the food?”

“Donnu’. I’m allergic to that half,” Rogers explains, gesturing to a pile he had made on one side of the plate. There is not a lot left on the other side.

“Ah,” Tony says, taking a deep bite out of his kind of stale bread. “That sucks.”

“Pardon?”

Ahh, yes, slang.

“Nothing, never mind. Want some of my…” Tony searches Roger’s plate for something that had ended up on the approved side. “ahhh…. Potatoes?”

“Thank you, but no, I can’t take food off your plate.”

“No, no, see, we’ll trade. I’ll take the food you can’t eat and you can have my potatoes,” Tony insists, warming to the idea as he reached across the table to implement his fantastic plan.

He is in the middle of the switch when his inner-Pepper starts to whisper to him about manners. He looks up at the soldier across the table from him and feels his cheeks heat a little bit.

“Or, you know, we could not.”

“No, no, its fine. Thank you, ahh…”

“Anthony Rhodes, but just call me Tony.”

“Steve Rogers, good to meet you Tony,” Steve introduces with a smile, accepting his plate back before giving Tony’s hand a shake.

The attraction is instant, like a spark of electricity dancing between their hands. Oh, well that was interesting.

Steve’s eyes widen just a bit and he licks his chapped lips. The handshake carries on a little too long to be considered polite, but the soldier seems in no rush to move his hand.

Very interesting.

*

Agent Carter is a scary woman. It is probably a good thing Pepper isn’t here, the two would take over the world together.

“Well Mr. Rhodes, what do you see today?” the agent asks as the two watch the recruits work on their push-ups. Tony brings his clipboard up, pretending he was glancing at notes.

“Classified, I’m afraid,” Tony says, eyes trailing back up to the soldier struggling the most not to land face first in the dirt.

He becomes suddenly very aware of a presence just next to his ear.

“You are not subtle. What you are contemplating is illegal. You need to stop before you get you both into trouble,” Agent Carter whispers, voice soft but strong in his ear.

Tony does his best to control the jerk in his movements as he backs away from her. He meets her eyes. There is no disapproval there, only trace amounts of concern.

He nods and begins to move away, but the Agent grabs his arm before he can go too far.

“And if I have any reason to think you are pressuring anyone into… indecent activities Mr. Rhodes, I will make your life very difficult.”

This time Tony cannot quite control his backward movement. The agent’s smile is all teeth as he hurries away.

Yeah, Agent Carter just might be the scariest person he has ever met.

*

Tony’s unadvisable decisions start like this; a hot wet kiss shared behind the barracks after a long day of training. 

*

But before the decisions are made, it happens like this.

Tony is helping Dr. Erskine record and measure the recruit’s results. A pointless task, as both men already know who will be receiving the super solider serum.

The two exchange clipboards back and forth as the recruits trickle in from their final evening run, the drill sergeant riding them hard with Agent Carter standing at the finish line, stopwatch in hand to record their time. As usual, Rogers is nowhere to be seen.

“I’ll wait for him.” Tony says, shooing the exhausted doctor to his bed.

The doctor nods and walks back with the last of the stragglers. Minutes later, the drill sergeant gives up with a huff.

“Don’t even know where we lost him. Knowing Rogers, it could be hours.”

Agent Carter looks at Tony, concerned. Tony hands her his clipboard.

“I’ll find him.”

“No need Mr. Rhodes, I can go myself.”

“It’s getting dark and of the two of us, I have the most practical shoes for a search and rescue,” Tony points out, gesturing to the agent’s dress shoes with their heels and low ankle.

Carter bristles.

“If you think that I am incapable of looking after the recruits in my care…”

“Not what I meant, Agent. Promise! It’s just that I have been reliably informed that mud and heels do not go well together. I’ll go find him and then bring him back here to you, yeah?”

Carter studies him for a minute and then nods.

“Do hurry back Mr. Rhodes.”

“Yes ma’am,” he salutes with a sloppy arm.

It takes only fifteen minutes of walking to find the struggling solider. Steve is still moving forward under his own power, but only barely, gasping and clutching his chest.

“Ah shit, are you having an asthma attack? Please don’t pass out on me,” Tony requests when he reaches the soldier.

“No… I’m… fine,” Steve wheezes.

“Yeah, you sound it,” Tony reaches to take the pack from Steve’s back only to have his hands slapped away.

“I… can do… this…” he says, voice surprisingly strong for how breathy it was.

“Really? Because I think you need to sit down for a sec,” Tony gives up on getting the pack and concentrates on trying to get the soldier to stop for a minute.

“No… I ha…have to… prove…” 

“Steve, you’re not going to prove anything if you pass out!”

“No! Ever… everyone… thinks they… know… what I’m… capable of… I ne… need… to kn… know,” Steve gasps, doggedly moving forward.

Tony gives a frustrated huff, but gives in to the urge to trace the casing of the arc reactor. At one time everyone had known what he was capable of too.

“Fine, wheeze to death. But don’t try to say I didn’t warn you. Stubborn ass aren’t you?”

A small smile graces Steve’s lips.

*

It takes forty minutes to get back to Agent Carter and her watch, where Steve promptly collapses in a coughing fit.

Carter raises her eyebrows and hands Tony the appropriate medical supplies to deal with the asthma. When they get Steve breathing again without coughing, Tony spots a flash of relief on her face.

Steve’s head lolls until it bumps into Tony’s shoulder where it stays. Carter gives Tony a small, almost devious smile before she collects the watches and clipboards and leaves for the night.

“Thanks,” Steve rasps a few minutes later.

“For what?”

“Just… being here I guess,” Steve responds, sounding exhausted.

Behind the barracks on their way to bed, Steve leans forward.

“There’s no time for this,” The soldier mutters below his breath.

“For wha-?” Tony asks, cut off when the smaller man surges forward into a hot, wet kiss. Stunned, Tony freezes.

Steve stills and pulls back, eyes searching out Tony’s in the dark, questioning. Worried.

“Oh,” Tony remarks, licking his lips. Well... “I disagree.”

The time traveler bends forward and kisses the worried look away. Steve’s body sags against his, the only skin contact is the press of lips and fingertips where Steve holds Tony’s neck for support.

When they pull apart, both men are panting and Steve’s bony fingers are leaving bruises in Tony’s neck.

“Disagree with what?” The solider gasps out, trying to keep his panting breathes as quiet as possible.

“There is always time for this,” Tony explains, leaning his forehead down to rest on the smaller man. He would make time for this, even though he was short on it. And why not? He wouldn’t be here too long. And neither would Captain America, really.

The thought of Steve’s eventual fate causes Tony to startle. Intellectually, this whole time he has known that the man in front of him will be dead before the war ends, but now…

Tony chases that thought away and presses his forehead down a little harder. There is time for this.

*

Agent Carter meets his eyes over coffee the next morning in the mess where he sits with Dr. Erskine. She raises a brow and tilts her head to the side, studying him.

He raises an eyebrow. She smirks back, letting her gaze travel beyond his shoulder. Tony looks behind him to find Steve standing in the middle of the mess hall, staring unabashedly at his neck. When Tony meets his eyes, the solider startles and hurriedly shuffles into the line for breakfast.

“Those are interesting bruises on your neck,” Agent Carter’s voice murmurs quietly to his ear, where she sits on his left. “I imagine you might need a jacket with a high collar.”

Tony turns looking for support from the doctor on his right, only to find the seat empty.

“Is this the part where you threaten to disembowel me?” Tony asks quietly. Agent Carter sniffs.

“Hardly Mr. Rhodes. It is quite obvious that the situation is… mutual between the two of you,” the agent answers in a dry voice. “No reason to warrant my attention.”

“Stop me if I’m wrong, but it was you that said something about this being illegal.”

“Yes, it is illegal. Which is why it is important for you to remember that the situation must remain mutual between the two of you. Otherwise, it will not be my attention you need to be concerned about. I will ensure that. Understand?”

“Yes,” even in his wildest days of sexual antics, consent had been of his golden rules. Jarvis’ influence he was sure, since it certainly wasn’t an attitude he learned from his father.

“Then I do believe that we will get along just fine Mr. Rhodes,” the agent chimes, sipping her tea.

Tony smiles and spies his solider hesitantly making his way over to their table, glancing uncertainly at the higher ranking officer sitting next to Tony.

“I look forward to it, Agent Carter.”

*

“What do you want to do with your life?”

“Be a soldier.”

“No, no. If there was no war, no Nazis or secret government parties to hang out at, what would you do?”

“Well there is a war, and Nazis, and secret government parties to… hang out at. So I want to be a soldier.”

“Okay, fine, after the war. What do you want to do after the war? Wait, wait, let me guess. Sketchbook, charcoal stains… I’m thinking artist. You’re totally going to be one of those morose artist types.”

“Art’s a hobby Tony, not really a career.”

“Alright, I give up. Just tell.”

“It doesn’t really matter you know… I don’t have the money for an education.”

“Okay, but let’s say you did. Dream big. What is the best job in the world to Steve Rogers?”

“Well, I guess… I mean, my mom, she was a nurse, ya know.”

“You want to be a nurse? I could get behind that, if you get what I’m saying.”

“What!?! No! Nursing’s woman’s work.”

“Well, that was unexpectedly sexist of you. What would Agent Carter say?”

“Look, did you want me to tell you or not?”

“Fine, fine, Mr. ‘Make-Me-A-Sandwich’. What is your manly career dream?”

“It’s just, my mom used to work with retired soldiers. From the Great War. They had a lot of problems you know, cause of shell shock. And then a lot of them were homeless cause of the Depression. If I could go to school, I think I would do something that helped them.”

“That’s kinda cool. Would you go into psychology or something? Or maybe start a non-profit. I could see you doing that.”

“It doesn’t really matter does it? It’s not a position I am ever going to find myself in.”

“What? No faith in the American Dream?”

“American Dreams are for those with resources or the luck to find them. Of which, I have neither.”

“There is a certain amount of irony in you saying that.”

“What?”

“Nothing, nothing. Just ignore me. Hey, you going to finish that?”

*

The glorious days of Camp Leigh end rather suddenly. Tony leaves Roger’s ass alone for one minute only to hear later that the solider attempted to throw himself on a grenade. 

One. Fucking. Minute.

Apparently that little act of heroism in the face of danger, real or not, is enough to get Steve Colonel Phillip’s grudging approval.

Dr. Erskine comes to bed triumphant that night. Tony leaves his bed in dread.

He meets Steve in the now abandoned barracks and falls into the man with passionate desperation that surprises even himself.

After the two of them have attempted every deprived act stamina allows, Tony stares up at the ceiling. He has one hand in Steve’s hair where the solider rests on his shoulder. The other is counting the smaller man’s vertebra.

“I knew this was coming,” Tony whispers to himself in the dark when Steve’s breathing evens out. “What the fuck?”

There in the dark quiet space between them, Tony is able to admit to himself that he might be in a bit too deep.

*

The next day, Tony washes Dr. Erskine’s blood off his hands while waiting for his newly bulked up lover to finish the government ordered blood tests.

Barring his teeth as he scrubs hard at clean hands, Tony scratches out the “might”.

*

Minutes, hours later, Tony sits on the floor of the bathroom, thinking fast. Now what does he do?

On the one hand, he could attempt to track down Dr. Erskine’s lead and hope it pans out. Or…

Tony’s fingers take up an agitated rhythm against the arc reactor.

The little blue stone in his father’s stuff is what got him here. Possibly, something similar to it could get him back.

Tony groans and gets up to find the most frustrating man in the world.

*

“Mr. Stark,” Tony calls, approaching his father who is meticulously investigating the Nazi submarine, “got a question for you.”

“Just a rose and dinner, boy, it’s the best I can advise you. Some fellas just have that natural smooth charm, but most don’t. No, there’s not much I can do for you there kid.”

“Wha-? What!?! No!” Tony exclaims, a tad mortified. “No! I wanted to see if there was any room on your team!”

“Oh, a job. Well then, why should I hire you?” Howard asks, barely paying attention as he scoops a piece up from the inside of the sub, puzzled by its existence.

“I work wi- worked with Dr. Erskine. I was his assistant,” Tony answers, watching his father who was still more interested in the machinery before him then anything the time traveler has to say.

Tony rolls his eyes. Nothing new there then.

“Look,” Tony starts, plucking the machinery right out of Howard’s hands. The busy little Stark assistants circling the sub all stop and stare. “Hire me because I know that this is the battery that runs the radio system in the sub as a back-up power source in case the engine fails.”

Tony climbs into the ship and hates the thrill he gets from Howard’s undivided attention.

“See, it probably plugs into one of these slots,” he digs his hand around, feeling for empty ports or extra panels on and under the dash. With a smirk of triumph when he finds what he’s looking for, Tony plugs the oversized battery into its port with exaggerated flourish. The radio in front of him blares to life in glorious static.

Howard stares at him for a second, face blank. Then he gives a laugh.

“Alright, kid. You got a job. You got a name?”

“Anthony Rhodes.”

“Right, right, so Tony. You got the job. Just after we check your teeth for any poison capsules. After all this nasty business with that Nazi asshole, well, you understand.”

*

For all of an hour, Tony can’t help but cheer his brilliant plan. Yes, now he is stuck working with Howard every day, but Steve will be there too.

Tony searches the facility for the solider only to find him deep in conversations with some senator or another. Tony frowns.

“Philips doesn’t want him on the front,” Agent Carter informs him, coming to stand next to him. She wears a frown to match his own. “The senator seems to have a use for him though.”

“You can’t be serious.” Tony grouses, facing her.

“The senator will keep him from being locked up in some lab somewhere,” she reasons, causing Tony to cringe at the idea. “Previous recipients of the serum were not so lucky.”

“There were others?” Tony asks, surprised.

“Exactly, Mr. Rhodes,” the agent says solemnly. “They received incomplete versions. What Ste- that is, Mr. Rogers has now is the most stable version of the serum we have been able to produce.”

Tony glances at Steve, knowing his worry was showing on his face. Agent Carter took pity on him.

“Don’t fret so. With the backing of the senator, Steve will be fine,” she reassures.

“Surely, Mr. Stark can help?” Tony asks, remembering all the stories Howard used to share about his old war time buddy Captain Rogers.

Agent Carter shakes her head, looking puzzled. “Why would he do that?”

Tony sighs. That is what he thought.

*

“The senator, he wants me to help the home front.” Steve tells him later after Tony sneaks into the other man’s Brooklyn apartment. The two of them share a bottle of German beer Tony had found in Dr. Erskine’s things on Steve’s cramped bed. 

Across the room, an empty bed stands collecting dust. Whenever Steve looks at it, his face goes pensive. Tony doesn’t ask.

“He has this idea, for a show. He thinks I can help sell war bonds,” Steve continues as he passes the half empty bottle back to Tony. He sounds like he is desperately trying to be excited, but by now, Tony knows Steve has the worst poker face.

The bitter taste of the beer dances on Tony’s tongue.

“Howard Stark offered me a job,” he admits. “Now that Dr. Erskine… I’m to go with his team to London.”

Steve swallows before taking another long sip from the bottle. He puts the bottle on the floor.

“I don’t want this to be good-bye,” Steve breathes as he turns to Tony. For a second, Tony is jealous. To live so honestly… how can Steve do it?

“Don’t be ridiculous. This isn’t good-bye,” Tony says, letting his typical arrogance slip into his tone to cover up how scared he is. If Tony finds the solution to getting home before Steve comes to the front… If Tony dies out there…

No, he really needs to put a stop to this. Tony doesn’t belong here to begin with. This is good-bye. It has to be.

But what comes out of his mouth is, “We’ll write each other. That’s a thing people do right? We’ll write each other and when I have a break or time off or whatever, I’ll come out and visit.”

Steve smiles hopefully and reaches for him. Tony goes willingly, losing his concerns in the slick press of heated skin. There is so much to learn about Steve’s new body. The inventor explores with relish.

Later, head cushioned on Steve’s chest, Tony can admit that not only is he in too deep, he doesn’t care.

Whatever. He was never a cautious man by nature.

*

The first month without Steve is painful for many reasons.

Number one being the very obvious lack of Steve in his life.

Number two is that he is now required to make weapons again. (His hands always feel dirty now, in a way they never have when working with dirt, grease, and machines.)

Number three is the reminder of all the reasons he hates his father.

Tony makes sure to highlight all his problems with Howard in his letters to his lover. Steve in turn starts to voice his growing discontent with being a “dancing monkey”.

The second month is more bearable if only because Tony makes a friend.

“The reports you need are to your right. No, wait! I need your opinion!” Tony cries out before Agent Carter turns to leave the lab. He receives a raised eyebrow in return.

“Look, when firing the gun out in the forest, is it better to be subtle or speedy? Because, I can increase the speed of the bullet, but it causes a much louder bang,” Tony tells her, looking disgruntled at two assault rifles before him.

If he was in his own lab seventy years in the future, he really wouldn’t be having this issue.

“To what advantage is there in increasing the speed of the bullet?” Agent Carter asks, walking up to where Tony stands with his guns.

“I donno, faster bullet, more likely to hit what you shot at? It’s something Philips is concerned about this month,” Tony responds.

Agent Carter rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

“The bullets already travel at a speed that make it near impossible for a human to react to. Something subtle is less likely to get people killed,” she tells him, “Although, I have to say Mr. Rhodes, in the heat of the battle, neither of those two components is going to have a lot of impact.”

“So basically what I’m doing is a waste of time,” he says, twitching. Agent Carter sighs.

“It would be better if you were researching the HYDRA weapons our boys brought in last week,” she admitted.

“Bunch of scrap metal is what they brought,” Tony huffs in frustration. There is nothing he or anyone on Howard’s team can reverse engineer from the destroyed pieces the SSR soldiers had won. Mainly because when the weapons were in any other state, it was impossible to get close to them.

“They are trying their hardest,” Agent Carter reminds him, a hint of reproach in her voice.

Tony looks up at her. “I know,” he frowns down at his guns and decides he should probably just table the whole problem. “Thanks.”

Agent Carter looks at him in surprise, before smiling and walking out the door with the files she needed from him in the first place.

A week later, she brings him a small pistol and asks him to modify it so that it shoots quieter. Tony grins and hands her the final product in less than twenty four hours.

*

The months drag on. Tony visits Europe four times before being pulled back to the SSR base in London.

By the third time, he doesn’t even bother telling Steve. The guilty jealously and worry in the other man’s letters frustrates Tony.

He wants to tell his lover to have patience, but he knows he is hardly one to throw stones.

*

It is on the third trip out to Europe that Tony first meets James Barnes.

The solider is throwing a right fit over a replacement rifle he was issued. Tony happens to step in to the tent right when the engineer Barnes has tracked down decides to stand up for himself.

“There is nothing wrong with your rifle! We fired it yesterday! How ungrateful can you be, it’s a brand new Stark gun!”

Barnes’ lip twists which only seems to highlight the shadows under his eyes. He raises the rifle up and shakes it at the engineer.

“Like fuck! It jammed twice on me today! Twice! In the middle of a fucking fire fight! This piece of shit is gonna’ get me killed,” he said in a hiss, throwing the gun at the other man’s feet.

“Hey now! Don’t do that,” Tony exclaims, jerking forward and scooping up the gun, “Not the gun’s fault.”

Barnes blinks at him, anger draining under a wave of pure exhaustion. Tony worries when the man sways.

“Whoa there solider,” he says, guiding the other man down to a nearby chair. “I think you need to go get some sleep.”

“What I need is a new gun,” Barnes growls, arms crossing angrily, jaw jutting out at a stubborn angle.

“Okay, look, why don’t you sit there and I’ll take a look at this,” Tony offers, shaking the rifle he still held in his hand.

The technician behind them scoffs.

“Don’t waste your time, Mr. Rhodes. The gun is in perfect shape. I think this a classic case of user error,” he sneers, dismissively.

Barnes stands up. “Are you sayin’ I don’t know how to fire a gun!?!” he exclaims, outraged.

Tony intervenes before the situation degrades, “Yeah, see, you might think that, being you know… you. But someone with a little more, you know, genius, can already see that the hammer is at the wrong angle.”

The technician gives an outraged squeak and Tony flashes him a toothy grin, “Run along kid, leave this one to the brains of this organization.”

The technician flees and Barnes practically collapses back into his chair. After a moment of silence, Tony turns to the gun. He starts taking it apart with single minded focus.

“Do you always do that?” Barnes asks moments (minutes, hours) later.

Tony’s head jerks up, having forgotten where he was. He looks up and blinks at the solider in the chair across from him before looking down at the almost reassembled gun.

“Do what?” he asks.

“Talk to things.” Barnes answers, gesturing to the gun. Tony shrugs and goes back to putting it together.

Soon enough, he hands a fixed gun back to Barnes.

“Here. Problem in the trigger. One of the springs was getting stuck on… ahh, you probably heard all that the first time, what do you care? All fixed now though, better than new,” Tony reports before pulling out a second gun from a hidden holster at the small of back that Peggy had gifted him with. “But here, have a second gun. No worries, this is one of my own personal ones, nobody will miss it. Can’t hurt to have a hold out weapon, yeah?”

Barnes studies him for a minute before nodding his thanks and leaving. 

Over the next three days of his visit, Tony becomes incredibly busy fixing the problems the soldiers bring him. He fixes jams and triggers, provides better ammunition and even repairs binoculars. 

He startles to hear his first name on Barnes’ lips the day he is to return to London. The man gives him a devilish wink and a chocolate bar from a care package. 

He returns to London feeling strangely satisfied.

*

Tony debates telling Steve about his encounter with Barnes, but…

He reads through Steve’s last letter, full of thinly veiled frustration and a sense of uselessness.

Maybe it’s better to wait until the two are reunited in person.

*

The fifth time Tony goes to Europe, he arrives the day before the 107th is captured by HYDRA.

Peggy finds him the night it happens and the two of them get gloriously, bitterly drunk. The next morning they are back to taking inventory of the missing, wounded, and dead. Tony discovers that Barnes is on the first list.

Tony grits his teeth through the hangover. The suffering is a pathetic penance for his failure.

*

Strangely enough, the dark shadow cast by the missing 107’s is enough to distract Tony from a crucial piece of information.

Steve’s USO tour is coming to Europe.

The day of the show, Tony is busy repairing a motorcycle with single minded focus. He startles when Peggy interrupts him, then drops all his equipment when he sees the drowned rat she pulls in with her out of the rain.

“Steve!” he practically shouts, jumping up in joy. He manages to catch himself in time before he kisses his lover in the make-shift garage, but a hug is utterly necessary at this point.

The feel of the other man’s arms around him is like a breath of fresh air. The letters just aren’t enough.

(A quite voice in his head wonders what it’s going to be like when he goes back home. He squashes it.)

Steve hugs him back with desperate strength.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were going to be here?” Steve demands. Tony shrugs.

“It frustrates you,” he responds honestly, too tired to hedge at this point.

“Gentlemen, we have a strict time table,” Peggy points out from Tony’s elbow before Steve can respond. She continues, “Tony, we need your help.”

And that is how Tony finds himself piloting his lover over smoky skies, carefully dodging shells in a small aircraft. His grip on the controls tighten as he watches Steve’s parachute plummet to the ground.

The need for his armor is a physical ache as he turns the plane around.

*

The ache gets worse as the wait begins.

*

Two days since he flew Steve out to enemy territory. Howard just laughs at his story with a nudge and wink about Peggy’s beauty. The woman in question looks like she’ll punch his father in the face.

*

Three days. God, he hopes Peggy isn’t actually fired.

*

Four days. Shit, this happened the first time around, right? This isn’t something that he messed up by even being here?

*

Five days. Tony busts out the illegal alcohol he brought with him. There is not a lot left from his and Peggy’s original bender, but Steve’s missing in action letter goes out today and…

A cheer goes up outside his tent. He drops the bottle to investigate only to confront the most perfect sight. Peggy and Steve stare each other down as the solider shows the agent a broken radio. At Steve’s shoulder, Barnes starts up a chant for Captain America in a sea of rescued POWs.

Tony retreats back into his tent and toasts the birth of a superhero.

*

They return to London in victory. The men Steve rescued from HYDRA experiments are given a full medical, and then a full meal.

Tony watches as Steve’s title becomes more than honorary. Captain Rogers reports for duty with all the zeal and enthusiasm Steve can muster.

Now all he needs is a team.

Tony catches Barnes and Steve at the bar later that night.

“Scotch. Best one you got,” Tony orders as he sits down on Steve’s left. Barnes whistles when its served.

“Expensive tastes there Rhodes,” he says, admiringly.

“Possibly going to die out there, so why the hell not. Looks like I’m your team mechanic,” Tony says this last part to Steve.

Steve frowns, but Barnes whoops.

“I thought Howard was going to work with us personally?” Steve asks. Tony shrugs away the sting that question causes.

“Can’t risk a genius inventor on the front lines like you can a lackey,” Tony responds. Steve’s frown deepens.

“Shut up, Steve. Rhodes is the best mechanic we got. Don’t chase him away, the boys will never forgive you,” Barnes demands as he shoves his friend. Steve’s frown lets up a bit, but it doesn’t go away.

*

“I don’t like it.”

“Like what? Cause I thought that was brilliant sex myself!”

“Shh, Tony!”

“What? It’s my apartment. We’re fine here. You can be as loud as you want. Like when I bite right here…”

“You’re changing the subject.”

“Okay, fine. What don’t you like?”

“I don’t like you being on the front line.”

“Steve, I make guns for a living. I know how to take care of myself.”

“Tony…”

“No. You think I like the thought of you in danger? Not for a second. But you’re a soldier. I’m not going to ask you to step away from the action. Don’t ask the same thing from me.”

“I just… you’re a civilian. This isn’t your job.”

“Not too long ago, you were too. Look, Steve, there is a lot you don’t know about me. Trust me when I say, safe is just not something I do very well.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means we’ll face this together Steve, as long as we are able.”

*

Tony helps Howard paint the shield. It is the most peaceful the two of them have ever been together.

Tony delivers it to Steve personally that night. Then he sucks the man off, Steve biting his hand to keep quiet.

*

He never does find out why Peggy is mad at Steve though.

Whatever it is, it causes Steve to flush in embarrassment and guilt for two weeks.

Tony asks Peggy.

“Don’t worry yourself about it darling. I made sure it won’t be a problem. Now, have you had a chance to test the material Howard gave us against handheld pistols?”

*

The next three months are considerably better than the others. Not only is Tony away from his father with Steve’s team on missions (the Howling Commandoes, he is fighting in World War Two with the Howling Commandoes!), he gets an important piece to his ticket home.

“That gun!” Tony shouts at Steve as they take cover behind a wall at a smoking HYDRA base. “I need that gun!”

The gun in question glows blue, much like the HYDRA weapons the 107th had returned with. But this one isn’t in Howard’s loving care and he needs a source to experiment on that won’t be missed.

When Steve brings it to him, Tony says that it is the best Valentine’s day gift he ever received. Bucky rolls his eyes at their antics.

*

Tony experiments on the stone inside the gun in the quiet between missions.

He melts down a couple of bullet shells and makes himself a little metal box to carry around with him.

The experiments are slow going, with the need to hide the stone. At least, that’s what he tells himself.

The excuse only sounds hollow when he melts into Steve’s kisses.

*

“You never take your shirt off.”

“Yeah, so?”

“I just… is there something I should know?”

“It’s nothing. I’m just uncomfortable with people touching my chest.”

“Tony, you know you can trust me, right?”

“Don’t be ridiculous Steve. Of course I do.”

*

World War two is like this:

Death is a constant backdrop everywhere Tony walks. Its beside them when they pass burned out farm houses. Its behind them when they leave the wounded and dying behind at camp. Its under them as they advance forward, heedless of the enemy soldiers fallen beneath their feet. Its ahead of them as they march on to root out HYDRA everywhere it nests within Europe.

Death is everywhere, but life is the only connecting theme. It appears in the little German children Steve evacuates before a battle can start. Tony sees it again when a resistance fighter makes a miraculous recovery, minus one leg. He feels it when he and Steve can catch twenty minutes alone, the powerful heartbeat in Steve’s chest as it sings for him, only ever for Tony.

Time is fluid and never consistent. There isn’t enough of it when they need to reach a HYDRA base to stop experiments on civilians. But they seem to get it in spades when they are waiting for orders to press on.

Tony is not always fighting with Steve’s team. The lab with Howard is ever calling him back. But when he is out there, fighting with Captain America and the Howling Commandoes, it is anything but glorious. There is no beauty to it, only brutality.

Tony has been called the merchant of death. Never before has he felt so comfortable with that title.

It is the most exhilarating and terrifying thing in the world.


	2. Chapter 2

But it can’t go on forever. Tony knows this. There is an expiration date for the little life he has built for himself.

Expiration date one is his eventual return to the twenty-first century. He has the tools he needs for that now, if he can only figure out how to use it.

Expiration date two is Steve’s death. To save the future Tony comes from, Steve has to die. Tony is selfish enough that he doesn’t want to be here for that.

Expiration date three is the end of the war. Because if Steve dies and the war ends… what happens if Tony is still here?

Expiration date three is what keeps him up at night when everyone else has fallen asleep.

*

Ultimately, the expiration date looks like this:

Tony and Steve get into a fight. Because of course they do. Because Steve is a natural born leader and Tony is lone wolf by nature.

Tony does something reckless, something stupid and a little bit heroic, and Steve finds a way to leave him behind.

When Tony finds out, the row is as bad as any battlefield they have fought on.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing!?!” Tony demands, marching on Steve as the other man comes out of the command tent. Tony has just received his instructions from Howard. It did not take long to figure out who got his transfer going.

Steve doesn’t insult him further by playing dumb.

“Howard needs your help here,” Steve tells him. (And doesn’t that burn, watching his lover and his father become best buddies. Tony hates every moment of it even though he knew it was coming.)

“If Howard needed my help he would have requested it on his own. This isn’t about him, this is all about you,” Tony seethes. His ranting starts to catch the attention of the rest of the camp. Bucky in particular sticks his head out of the medical tent where they are stitching close a bullet graze to watch them silently.

Steve tries to guide Tony away to somewhere more secluded, but the engineer shrugs off his hand.

“Tony, not here,” Steve hisses, attempting to guide Tony away again.

“No, right here, Captain Rogers. Why the fuck did you bench me!?!” Tony demands, getting in Steve’s space. Predictably, Steve doesn’t back down.

“Because what you did yesterday. It was stupid and reckless and I can’t waste time watching out for you when I have a mission to finish,” Steve states, voice even and dangerous.

“It was stupid and reckless and it fucking worked! I had everything under control, why the hell can’t you trust me!”

“You put yourself in danger needlessly! How the hell can I trust you to not endanger the mission when you’re carrying out half cocked plans without communicating to anyone!” Steve demands.

“I know what I’m doing!” Tony shouts back. “I’ve been doing this longer than you!”

“If you knew what you were doing, you would work with your fucking team. You’re not in this alone Tony, but I can’t trust you out in the field until you realize that.” Steve says. “Now, you are dismissed Mr. Rhodes.”

Tony feels his lips curl up in a snarl.

“I am not your fucking solider, captain. You fucking need me out there, you can’t just fucking dismiss me.”

“I don’t need you. I need a soldier,” Steve says with quiet intensity.

Tony is thrown a little off guard.

“What?” he asks. That was not what he expected to hear.

“What I need is someone who takes orders. I need someone I can trust to be where I expect them to be so I can plan for them. I don’t need a loose cannon civilian playing soldier when there are lives at risk!” 

And that? That hurts. The need to clench at the arc reactor in his chest is almost overpowering, but Tony clenches his fist and manages to bury the instinct.

Fuck, why does that hurt so much?

“Fuck you Rogers,” Tony says, never able to keep his sharp tongue still when hurting. “At least I’m the real deal. Everything special about you came from a bottle.” Tony spits.

Then he turns on his heel and walks out of camp. He doesn’t give a shit as to where.

*

Tony doesn’t see Steve that night. He pulls an all nighter in the engineering tent working on his ticket back home after all the technicians left. He makes some progress.

The Howling Commandoes pull out bright and early that morning. Tony doesn’t see them off. The only member of the team he does see is Bucky when the man seeks him out and pops him one before they leave.

“You ever say that type of shit to him again, I’ll make sure you lose a tooth,” the solider rages. Tony picks himself off the floor and moves his jaw around, feeling for damage. He manages to keep his mouth shut until Bucky leaves the tent.

*

Tony rages and tinkers. During the day, he helps Howard take apart HYDRA weaponry. At night, he sneaks back to the makeshift labs and runs tests on his blue stone.

Peggy occasionally stops by with instructions for the team, intel for Howard, and food for Tony. She saw the fight herself of course, but she doesn’t seem to have a side.

“A lover’s spat,” she tells him late one night when her own demons chase her out of bed, “Steve is obviously scared for you and you resent authority. Shut up Tony, a blind man can see that. When Steve gets back, the two of you will move on. All couples argue.”

Tony kicks her out a few hours later so that he can return to his work.

Whatever happens from here, the argument was a reminder. As much as Tony hates to admit it, Steve was right. Tony cannot continue to play solider, not when he needs to focus on getting home.

Tony has reached an expiration date, just not one he could have predicted.

*

Nothing goes to plan.

Three days after Captain Rogers lead the Howling Commandoes out on a mission, HYDRA manages a surprise attack on the camp they left behind.

Tony wakes to the sounds of shouts and gun shots. Gun in hand, he leaves his tent and enters the fray.

Ambushes are confusing and messy. There is death, destruction, and fire.

What Tony remembers is all in flashes. A solider disintegrating in front of him from a Hydra gun. A mad rush to the engineering tent in an attempt to protect the field research. Peggy standing tall and proud in a night gown and assault rifle, covering the back of Colonel Phillips as the two work to bring order.

The only items Tony has are his pistol, the blue stone in his night pants pocket and a folded up picture of Steve he would never admit to keeping in his shirt.

With these items in hand, Tony chases the HYDRA troops out of the camp.

Ahead of him, he watches an ally fall. Someone in the HYDRA ranks, possibly a sniper, has a lead gun. Tony shoots up and out, trying to give the troop some cover before surging out to drag the man back towards cover.

His ally is heavy. The going is slow. A bullet finds him, burning a path of fire just above his hip.

Tony falls.

*

The troop dies, choking on his own blood. The sound is horrifying. Tony would scream in terror if his own bloody body wasn’t keeping him occupied.

*

Faintly, Tony hears the order to retreat.

It’s in English, so he assumes his side lost.

*

Tony is freezing. Shock he thinks.

There is something poetic about dying before he was born. Or… hell, who is he kidding? This fucking sucks.

*

Hours or minutes later, a hand touches his throat.

“Mr. Rhodes! Are you with me? Tony, I need you to wake up!” Peggy yells above him, voice sounding frantic. Tony coughs, feeling blood come up once again.

He opens his eyes to see Peggy has found herself a coat to go over her night gown. At her side, two soldiers cover her as she kneels over him.

A look of relief flashes across her face when their eyes meet.

“Oh thank god. Hang in there Tony. I need you to stay with me. We’ll get you to a doctor and get you patched up.”

A new type of panic fills him.

“N-nn-no,” he gasps out. Peggy frowns at him, but turns to address the soldiers.

With desperate strength, Tony reaches out and grabs her hand, bringing it down to his chest and pressing it down on top of the arc reactor.

Peggy frowns at him in confusion, before her eyes widen in surprise as she feels the casing for the reactor through his shirt.

“C-can’t l-le-let th-,” Tony gasps out, breathless. Peggy nods at him, before standing and issuing orders to the soldiers beside her.

Tony is moved and the pain screams at him until the world is buried in silence.

*

Waking up is painful. Peggy looks down at him and says,

“That is quite a secret, Mr. Rhodes.”

Darkness takes him back.

*

The next time he remembers waking up, he is alone on a cot in a tent.

Everything smells of disinfectant and everything is painful.

Turning his head to the side, Tony sees his gun and box on the bed side table. Someone has propped up his picture of Steve against the box.

Tony groans.

“Oh good, finally awake then,” Peggy says as she walks into his canvas room from behind a divider. She carries two files in one hand and a glass of water in the other.

Tony accepts the water gratefully.

“Where are we?” he asks.

“France, awaiting an airlift back to London.”

“Steve?”

“Out of contact at the moment, but we’ll work on raising them when we get in London,” Peggy says. “They’ll figure it out.”

“And…” Tony’s fingers twitch against the casing of the arc reactor. He is pleasantly surprised by the thickness of his shirt.

“No worries Mr. Rhodes. Your modesty has not been compromised,” she says and then leans forward to him like they are sharing a secret, “although I imagine it is quite the story, I would love to get it all out of you someday.”

Tony nods, but pointedly glances around the room. Peggy smiles and nods back.

*

Being injured is a blessing and a curse.

On the one hand, ow, it hurts like a motherfucker.

On the other hand, Peggy is now in the know. The woman is terrifying, but she is on Tony’s side.

She accepts the story of time travel with the attitude of a woman who has seen weirder shit. Sequestered away in his London apartment, she brings him the equipment he needs to finish his experiments. 

With the equipment comes updates about the Commandoes fight back to friendly territory as their easiest path back to safety was cut off when HYDRA took the camp.

Contact is minimal, but it is enough to give Tony hope that Steve will find his way here.

*

The unavoidable reunion goes like this:

Tony wakes up to the feeling of a warm hand on his forehead. He startles up, the smell associated with that hand so familiar and unexpected. His injury pulls and he grasps his side.

“Easy,” Steve says, voice quiet as he moves from a chair to Tony’s bed, “Easy, Tony.”

It’s been three weeks since their fight at the camp and Tony collapses forward, hands coming up to grasp at the solider in his bed.

“Steve,” he whispers almost reverently.

“Tony, I’m so sorry,” the captain sighs, sounding wrecked. “I shouldn’t have been so harsh. God, I…” he stops and takes a breath. “I didn’t know what had happened to you, at the camp. I didn’t know if you were alive or dead and the last thing I said… that we did…”

“Shut up,” Tony growls, throat threatening to constrict on him. He surged forward, kissing Steve everywhere he could manage; lips, throat, eyes, chin.

The love making is passionate, but slow in accordance with Tony’s injuries.

“Me, too you know,” Tony mumbles, in the aftermath.

“Hmm?” Steve hums, head is cushioned on Tony’s shoulder as far away from the injury as possible. Tony shifts just a tad to make sure the casing from the arc reactor is away from sensitive super solider skin.

“What you said, earlier. I am too. You… you are special. You’re what made the serum work,” he manages. He’s shit at apologies.

Steve seems to understand though as he tilts his head up and kisses Tony’s jaw.

*

Getting Bucky to forgive him is both easier and harder.

Easier because there are so many less emotions involved.

Harder because he’s still on painkillers and Steve isn’t letting him partake in the apology/ welcome home alcohol.

Bastard.

*

New Years Eve, 1944 and Tony is starting to get desperate. He has been here for two and half years now.

On the one hand, that makes his relationship with Steve the longest running he has ever had without someone being betrayed. So, yay hollow victory!

Steve is somewhere out in Europe. Tony is here in London, fully recovered and working desperately on his little stone. It’s difficult to retrace your steps when you are missing over three quarters of technology you had the first time around.

Peggy eventually drags him out to drinks and dancing to celebrate the birth of 1945. They trade chaste kisses at midnight. By one am, Tony is truly drunk.

“Here it is,” Tony mourns, “The end, and I’m going to be stuck here when it goes.”

Peggy just nods, nursing her shot of scotch. All signs point to the war in Europe finishing before summer. She hates to think of what her career opportunities will be like after this she confides in him.

Tony laughs.

“You are going to hate the fifties and love the sixties,” he says. “Free love and drugs for everyone. Rise of feminism. Vietnam War sucks, but what are you going to do?”

She smiles at him over the rim of her glass, before putting it down on the table.

“You should tell him you know,” Peggy says. Tony snorts.

“Because time traveling is so easy to believe.”

“Someday, possibly someday soon, you are going to just disappear on him and go back from where you came from,” she pins him with a hard stare. “You would save him some heartache by giving him a definite answer.”

“I don’t think he’ll believe my definite answer,” Tony responds, taking another long drink from his glass.

“Maybe, maybe not. Nothing about what we have done in this war is normal,” she points out. “Tell him Tony. Spare him the pain of wondering.”

It’s not long after that Peggy takes him home. Tony wakes up on January 1st, 1945 with a pounding headache and the grudging acknowledgement that Peggy might be right.

*

Telling his story is not as easy with Steve as it was with Peggy.

Mainly because when he sees Steve now days, they are stealing moments to themselves and filling them with kisses and sex.

When they do talk, they talk about the war and their projects. They don’t talk about the future, not until one night three months later.

“What are you going to do after this?” Steve asks. They sit in Tony’s London apartment, barely dressed and snacking on cans of beans and vegetables.

“Howard has a project he needs finished by tomorrow afternoon. And then there is your equipment check that needs to be finished before you leave on your mission in two days. Does the shield need a fresh coat of paint? I think it’s looking a little less shiny than usual, so I should probably do that.”

Steve laughs.

“No, after the war. What do you want to do after the war?”

Tony has a flash back to a similar conversation over another table in Camp Leigh. It feels like ages ago.

The slightly sad touch to Steve’s smile tells Tony he is thinking the same thing.

“I’m an engineer, so I’ll find work I guess,” Tony says.

Tell him, Peggy’s voice whispers from somewhere in the back of his mind.

“Actually, I run a business,” he blurts, impulsively.

“Really?” Steve responds surprised, leaning forward. “I didn’t know that. What business?”

Tony smiles, “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“Try me,” Steve insists. Tony fidgets with his spoon, tapping it against his watery can of vegetables.

“Steve, I…” Tony starts, not too sure where to begin. Steve sits up straight, catching the shift in tone. Tony laughs thinly. “There are things about me you wouldn’t believe.”

“You’re ego for one,” Steve teases with a smile.

“No… well yes, but…” Tony makes a frustrated noise and brings his hand up to unbutton his shirt. “Look, here.” Even after over two years in a relationship, Steve has never seen the arc reactor in his chest.

Steve stays silent as Tony removes first the button up, then his undershirt, then his second undershirt, and finally the thin wrap he keeps around his chest when he goes about his day.

Steve gasps when the light from the reactor starts to shine.

“What…?” Steve asks. He moves forward, around the table and to Tony’s side, eyes never straying from the center of the engineer’s chest.

“It’s called an arc reactor. My company makes them,” Tony starts to explain, but stops when Steve’s hand hovers above the light.

“Can I…?” Steve breathes. Tony nods and Steve’s fingers come down, dancing along the casing, before branching out to the scars that web it.

“Why?” Steve asks.

“It keeps me alive, keeps a piece of metal from my heart,” Tony answers, fingers coming up to grab Steve’s.

“How?” Tony knows he’s not asking about how it works.

“Told you I was no stranger to danger, Captain.”

“All this time?” Steve asks.

Tony nods, “It’s the small piece in a larger, unbelievable story.”

“Will you tell me?” Steve requests. Tony swallows and nods.

“Tony Rhodes doesn’t exist. My name…” They are stopped by a knock on the door.

Tony quickly covers up before going to answer it. Bucky stands on the other side, a smirk of victory on his lips.

“Get Steve.” He says, “We have intel on Ziola. We leave tonight.”

*

“When I get back, will you…?”

“Better count on it Captain.”

“Because I really do want to know.”

“I know you do. Alright, here is your pistol. And here is the item you are actually here for, a newly polished and rebalanced shield.”

“Thanks Tony.”

“Don’t mention it. Bring it back to me solider, with all the paint intact this time.”

“Do my best. Until next time Rhodes.”

“See you on the other side, Rogers.”

*

The final expiration date happens like this:

Tony is in the command center when they receive a coded message from Steve’s team about Zoila on a train. Tony leaves when Phillips gives the order to capture the doctor alive.

He gives Peggy a kiss goodnight on her cheek and lets her lipstick stain just the side of his mustache.

At home that night, he turns the kettle on and picks up his experiments. He doesn’t actually plan to leave tonight, he just wants to run some numbers.

Naturally, that is when it happens.

*

Regaining his senses the second time around is slightly more traumatic, if only because Tony has spent the last two years fighting a war.

He wakes up to the back of a cell phone, multiple cell phones, and groans.

It takes one minute to borrow a phone from one of his gawkers and another one to call JARVIS. Three minutes later, JARVIS connects him to Pepper.

It takes his former PA twenty minutes to arrange transportation back to Malibu if only because the first ten are dedicated to yelling and crying, and the next five to determining where the hell he is.

(Bremen, Germany. The year is 2011 and he has been missing for three months. If he was a physicist, he’s sure he would be utterly fascinated by the location travel and time difference.)

*

He doesn’t think about it on the way to the airport.

He doesn’t think about it on the private jet flight to California.

He doesn’t think about it when he accepts Pepper’s hug.

He even manages to not think about it when she asks about Peggy’s smudged lipstick still on his cheek.

He dreams about it that night, but he doesn’t think about it the morning after.

He doesn’t think about it until he takes a shower late into the California afternoon. Under the spray, he examines the new scars from his journey. He presses his finger to the love bite Steve left on his collar bone four days and seventy years ago.

The water that drips off his face is a mix of fresh and salt.

*

He gets drunk that night, gloriously black-out drunk.

Pepper finds him and puts an end to his bender and only then does she finally get the whole story out of him.

“Tony, that’s impossible,” She breathes, not disbelieving him, just stating fact. Tony lifts his shirt anyways and shows her the nearly year old bullet scar. She traces her fingers across it and simply holds him.

*

The hangover the next day is horrible and a great excuse to stay in bed.

*

Eventually, Rhodey comes to help Pepper put a stop to the alcohol. Tony is reluctantly sober two months after he returns.

(The tears come a second time when he realizes he was too drunk to notice when Steve’s mark faded.)

*

Returning to the future is not all bitter. Flying the armor is the best feeling in the world. Fighting besides Captain America in the Second World War was indescribable, but nothing compares to being Iron Man.

The lab too. It’s nice to finally be out of the dark ages of tech.

And food. He is never going to complain about modern food ever again. Pepper tells him that the moan he makes around his first cheeseburger in two years is not suitable for young audiences. Tony tells her he would make love to this burger if he thought he could get away with it.

Pepper smiles and rolls her eyes and Tony can’t help but smile back. This, the two of them, is probably the thing he missed the most.

*  
It takes him three months after his return to work up the courage to visit Peggy Carter, the only Commando still alive.

He knows, intellectually, how many years it’s been. But to see the seventy years he skipped reflected on her skin is startling.

She laughs at him as he struggles to recover his manners.

“Oh stop,” she says. “I got old, I know that.”

They sit and they talk about everything and nothing. He was right about the sixties, Peggy loved it.

“My daughter burned three different bras,” Peggy informs him, humor dancing in her eyes. “I’m still not too clear on why, but eventually I threatened to stop paying for them.”

Eventually, Tony asks about Steve. Peggy’s face goes dark.

“That was a bad week for him. Did you know we would lose Barnes on that mission?” She asks. Tony flinches and shakes his head. Bucky was another man who Tony knew would die in World War Two, he just hadn’t known when.

“Steve came back, so broken up, only to discover that a fire had destroyed your apartment and you were missing,” Peggy explains, holding his hand.

“A fire?”

“Yes. Someone left a kettle unattended,” Peggy says, a little humor returning to her tone. Tony winces as he remembers the coffee he had been about to make. “I assumed that meant you got home safely, I’m glad to see I was right.

“I tried to tell him the truth,” Peggy continues sadly. “But I couldn’t get him alone. He joined the rescue crews in an attempt to find your body. When there was nothing to be found, he joined up on that last mission.”

They ignore the tears leaking from Tony’s eyes. After a few minutes of silence, Tony admits, “I miss him.”

Peggy’s grip tightens.

*

This story almost ends like this:

Tony checks in on his father’s search efforts for Captain America’s body. Fury has been asking for control of the mission and before his little trip, Tony had been tempted to give it to him. Now though, Tony increases the budget and lets the team do their thing.

Nothing will come of it he knows. And somehow that is okay.

Tony returns his focus to the project he and Pepper had been working on before his disappearance; a tower run completely on arc reactor energy. 

In his absence, Pepper has carried on the project from his original designs. Now it is nearing completion.

Tony stands at the top of the new pent house in the Stark tower, Steve’s picture in hand as he studies New York.

Steve would have loved this. Hated the unfamiliar neighborhood Brooklyn is now, but loved the skyline. Maybe even loved Tony’s idea more.

A little bit of tape sticks Steve’s picture up so that he can see the city stretching out before him. Up here he can see the world he saved. Tony finds that strangely comforting.

The elevator opens and the familiar click of heels announce Pepper’s presence. Tony smiles as he turns to her and the files of paperwork and blueprints in her arms. 

He allows his mouth to run as he brings an opened bottle of Pepper’s favorite wine down from the bar. His CEO just laughs at him as she spreads the documents out in front of her. She accepts a glass of wine and Tony takes a seat next to her on the floor.

The skyline is at their back and the documents are before them. Between the two, Tony feels fully grounded in his time once more.


	3. Epilogue

The story continues like this:

Its four am and Tony is still up. The gauntlets for the armor need to be fixed and he still has to finalize a method of delivering the arc reactors into the bay safely without causing damage to anything still living there.

Four am and his personal line is ringing and Tony is ready to ignore it, but JARVIS as usual intervenes.

“Sir, the excavation team is on the line,” JARVIS interrupts.

“Who?” Tony asks, two screw drivers between his teeth and a third in his hand.

“The team for Captain Roger’s body sir,” Tony almost swallows his tools.

Less than ten hours later, Tony is in the arctic, long sleeve shirt, jeans, and the armor between him and the stupidly cold temperatures.

He studies the shield, the newly painted and already marked up shield. Tony might be crying.

“Fuck you Rogers,” he barks, half laugh half sob, in the frozen plane. “You never appreciate my hard work.”

*

It takes three days to bring Steve out of the plane, carefully preserved in a chunk of thick ice. The plan is to defrost him slowly in an attempt to preserve him as much as possible before he is put to rest in Arlington next to the other commandoes.

Tony holds the shield as he studies Steve’s figure through the cloudy ice. For once, there are no words.

*

They reach the states and the plan promptly goes to shit, because Steve likes to surprise people.

“Sir, it’s Dr. Cho,” JARVIS tells him; connecting him to the doctor he flew out from South Korea to see to Steve’s defrosting.

“Mr. Stark, we need you down here,” she says, sounding amazed.

“Why?” Tony asks, already moving to the elevator that connects him to Cho’s clinic two floors below.

“Captain Rogers… he has a heartbeat.”

*

Another four days before Steve wakes up. Tony isn’t there despite his best wishes. He does have a business that needs tending to. Not to mention a tower on a deadline.

Anyways, it all means that Steve is very much alone when he wakes up, in an intentionally era neutral hospital room. (There is so much to go over with both Steve’s long freeze and Tony’s time traveling.)

So Tony is in the middle of a board meeting when security gets the call to contain a confused super solider that is tearing through the halls.

JARVIS alerts Tony to the situation just as Steve gets down to the business level.

“Have to take this, sorry folks!” he shouts to the confused board members and a pissed looking Pepper as he runs to the door. Before he can get out, he collides with a rather muscular chest trying to come in.

His breath catches in his throat as he looks up into blue eyes. Steve has never looked more confused.

“Tony?”

Tony swallows and nods. Behind Steve, a practical army of security guards flood into the board room. Steve turns and starts backing Tony up protectively, looking for a defensive position between the guards and the baffled board members.

“For the love of god, stand down,” Pepper says, standing up from her end of the board table. The guards lower their weapons with reluctance before Pepper orders everyone out of the room.

Steve keeps Tony between himself and the wall as the guards and board members file out. Tony is in no hurry to move. The look on Pepper’s face is a little murderous.

Still standing, Pepper closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.

“Tony, why is Captain America in my board room?”

“Technically it’s my board room.”

Pepper’s eyes snap up with a glare so strong, Steve shifts Tony further behind him.

“Okay, okay, look we didn’t expect him to wake up so soon, and I planned on being there, for you Steve, really I did, but then we had this meeting scheduled and Pepper, you practically dragged me down here so really I think this is your fault.”

“Wake up?” Pepper says, eyeing the very alive Steve Rogers standing between her and Tony.

Oh shit, had he forgotten to mention that?

“Ahh… surprise?” Tony tries a little weakly.

Pepper makes the most un-lady like groan.

After a beat of silence, Steve ventures a hesitant, “Tony?”

That seems to snap Pepper back into her default Pepper mode. She comes around the table.

“I’m sorry Captain Rogers, for meeting like this. My name is Pepper Potts, please just call me Pepper. I’m a friend of Tony’s,” she introduces herself, shaking Steve’s hesitant hand. Steve glances back at Tony who nods. “Now, I’m sure the two of you have a lot to talk about. Excuse me while I do some damage control.”

And with that, Tony and Steve are left alone in the board room.

“This… this isn’t heaven is it?” Steve asks and Tony can’t stop a weak laugh.

*

The explanations are long. They have to stop every occasional so that Steve can take a moment to just breath.

“This is impossible,” the soldiers states, head between his hands still in the board room. His back is to the window and facing the door. Tony had insisted on it when Steve’s first glance outside had turned him an alarming shade of white.

“So was the Skull’s glowing blue cosmic cube, but we here we are,” Tony points out.

“But you’re dead,” Steve exclaims, head snapping up to pin Tony with his desperate stare, “The apartment was gone and everything was ash!”

Hesitantly, Tony reaches out, hand cupping Steve’s jaw, “I wasn’t there Steve.”

Steve seems to choke, the first emotion he has shown since this conversation started.

“You’re here, you’re alive. I thought you were dead, but you’re…” he pauses and swallows. “Does this mean… is…”

Tony feels the potential sting of tears behind his eyes when he realizes what Steve is trying to ask. “Bucky isn’t here,” Tony answers, uncharacteristically gentle.

Steve slumps forward again, letting his head drop back into his hands.

“And… everyone else? Peggy? Dum Dum? Morita? Anyone?” Steve asks, voiced muffled.

“Peggy, she’s around. But, she’s the last one,” Tony admits. Steve doesn’t respond. The two of them sit in silence.

*

“I think something’s wrong with him.”

“Give him time, Tony.”

“Pepper, you don’t understand. He’s never this quiet! Or still! Since I met the guy, I don’t think I’ve seen him stand still for longer than ten minutes.”

“It’s a bit of a shock isn’t it? Losing everything you have ever known?”

“I did this twice! And I was fine! I think something from the defreezing process. Maybe some damaged brain tissue? Do you think Dr. Cho could have missed it? We need a second opinion. I’m calling-”

“No one. You’re calling no one unless it’s a psychiatrist. Tony, remember what it was like when you came back? You were a mess.”

“Yeah, but at least I was moving.”

“When you needed to refill your flask. Give Captain Rogers space to mourn. Lord knows, he needs it.”

“But… I’m right here! I’m right here and willing to help and he won’t even fucking talk to me, Pep! I don’t know how to fix this!”

“This isn’t something that can be fixed. This is something that has to heal over time.”

“I just… I missed him so much and now he’s here and I should be happy, but when I see him like this… It’s just…”

“Oh, Tony.”

*

The first week after waking up, Steve doesn’t leave the guest bedroom Tony gives him (Pepper suggested space, which Tony had vetoed until Steve spent the first night on the couch instead of in bed with Tony.)

The second week, Steve begins to wander around the penthouse, talking only to JARVIS. Tony finds him in front of the living room window one night.

“It’s so different,” Steve says, “I think I would get lost out there.”

Tony bites his tongue on a comment of how lost the solider looks in here.

At the beginning of the third week, JARVIS alerts Tony that Steve is at his bedroom door, knocking. The engineer drops everything on his work bench in the workshop and races down the two flights to his bedroom. Steve is just turning away when Tony comes around the corner.

“Wait!” Tony tells him, relieved when Steve stops, “Sorry, I was just working on something.”

“For the company?” Steve asks, hesitantly stepping forward. Hope starts to bubble up in his chest at this first sign of interest.

“Ahh… no, actually. It’s for the armor,” Tony says. At Steve’s confused head tilt, Tony can’t help an enthused grin. “I haven’t shown it to you yet, have I? A huge misstep on my part for which I deeply apologize. Come on, I must rectify this mistake!”

*

Steve is gratifyingly impressed with the armor.

“What do you use it for?” Steve asks, fingers dancing on the metal plating that covers Tony head to toe. Tony flips the face plate up and smiles.

“Oh you know, superhero things. Track down the bad guys, stop them from creating chaos and havoc on the world. All the things we used to do together really, just with a lot more flying.”

For the first time since waking up, Steve’s face lights up in interest. Tony feels like crying in relief.

“Really?” 

Tony’s smile falls into a smirk.

“Want to go for a spin Captain?”

*

Flying is a huge success. Steve whoops as the two of them soar through New York’s dark sky. Tony can’t help but laugh in joy at the life returning to Steve’s face.

*

The true end to this story goes like this:

A laughing, vibrant Steve with wind tussled hair pushes Tony back against his bedroom door as the engineer fumbles to get inside. The kiss is intoxicating and Tony’s head spins.

The need to get his hands on Steve’s body is overwhelming. He thought he would never touch his lover again. Now, he’s going to relearn everything.

The door gives way and Tony loses his balance, only to be caught by a still chuckling Steve around his waist. The room is dark, illuminated only by the New York skyline below and the arc reactor between.

With a spare foot, Steve kicks the bedroom door closed behind them.

Later there will be healing and threats. They will have arguments and stand united over battlefields. Discoveries will be made of evil organizations and old friends thought lost.

But those are the thousands of little endings and beginnings that define a lifetime.


End file.
